Commitment Brings You Freedom
If you want to be free, you have to commit.
Commitment and freedom are mostly perceived as contradictory. Thinking simplistically, commitments may seem like a limitation for our freedom. Our culture, parents, even our language support this thought.
Doing a semantic search, what I found out was surprising.
Commitment is explained as ‘an obligation or promise that restricts one’s freedom of action’. It is even stated as ‘the official consignment of a person to a psychiatric hospital or prison’. There is clearly a negative connotation in the definition of commitment. Who would want to restrict his/her freedom of action, anyway? Association of the word with ‘hospital or prison’ is far worse. I should admit, reading it, my posture became slumped and my energy went down.
Freedom, on the other hand, is described as ‘being allowed to do what you want to do. When prisoners or slaves are set free or escape, they gain their freedom.’ Definition of freedom gives a limitless sense of liberation, possibilities, and adventure. It feels like the wind in a field. This definition filled me with joy, positivity, and vitality
Is freedom such fulfilling, indeed? How about goals, expectations, focus, depth? Thinking deeper on the terms, there is a lot more to it than meets the eye.
In his all-time favorite book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Stephen Covey talks about maturity through freedom and dependency. He introduces the three stages of maturity with his Maturity Continuum.
‘Dependence’ is the first stage and at some point in our lives, all of us have been dependent on someone else. As infants, we were all dependent on our caregivers. But as we grew, we learn how to take care of our needs and this moves us from dependence to the second stage, ‘independence’. We need to take the responsibility for our actions and understand the consequences. We generally associate this phase with freedom.
However, real freedom comes with the third stage, ‘interdependence’.
‘Interdependence’ is supporting each other’s emotional and physical needs without demanding or controlling the other. It means “us”. It indicates we are committed to our needs and our relationship while we are interdependent. This is the healthiest relationship style in business, love, family, and friendship.
I believe commitment brings a deeper connection and quality to this interdependent relationship.
The more you open yourself, the more you go into the depths of your soul and learn yourself in others. This self-discovery also gives you power and freedom. Detached friendships, affairs, one-sided relationships may feel open and free at first, but they are only distractors for us.
To me, so much of the loneliness of modern life comes because we have too many distractors.
Do you want to spend your time with these distractors? Do they really make you feel free? Or do you prefer the freedom and wisdom that your committed relationships offer?
Now, let’s shift our focus from interpersonal relationships to our relationship with ourselves. Here, the questions are: Are you committed to yourself? And are you free?
If self-actualization is vital for you, you probably devote yourself to what you want in life. This may mean your work, career goals, the book you write, or any art piece you create. If you are committed, you need to focus and work when your mates are hanging out. You may miss gatherings with friends, nite-outs, or some Netflix series. At first, you may feel stuck and ‘not free’.
However, this is only a short-term perception, an instant feeling. Imagine how you will feel when you finish the work you are committed to. The feeling of completeness, inner peace, satisfaction… In the long run, this attitude will pay you off and bring you freedom. You will build solid expertise in your profession, pick up your next role or find your style as an artist. You will eventually build your career, raise your standard of living. You will have alternatives and the freedom to choose.
Being dedicated to what resonates with you enhances your freedom. You are fully and completely ‘in’. You devote yourself to what you believe in, what you care for.
As Paulo Coelho states in Zahir, “Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose — and commit myself to — what is best for me.”
Is there anything more liberating than this?
